Ship of Fools

Luke sat on the deck of the Titan, drinking his scotch. The sun was setting and he was remembering an evening 26 years ago when he and Laura were standing on the very deck that he was sitting on. He had his arms around her. He could still taste the salt mist on her neck. He could remember the smell of her hair. Luke closed his eyes trying to push the ache that was rising up in him back down. It was getting harder for him not to give up the feeling of desperation that she was lost to him. He had always prided himself on his tough will and survivor instinct, but the truth of the matter was that surviving without her left him empty and hollow. He didn’t want to go on without her. Nothing was good in his life without her. From the moment he first laid eyes on her, his heart had been lost. The feelings that came with her took him completely off guard. Laura had been such an unexpected surprise to him. She had been a breath of fresh air in his stale, dirty life.
Luke looked out at the wide expanse of ocean and thought of her and how their souls had met out there somewhere so long ago. The memories washed over him like a wave, making him feel both happy and sad at the same time. He closed his eyes again, recalling how she felt against him and how happy she had been to be there with him and Robert as they tried to save the world. "Isn’t it beautiful, Luke?" she had asked, looking out at the ocean in youthful awe.
"You’re beautiful, Baby," he said, nibbling her ear. "I’m still upset with you that you snuck on board. You should have stayed home where I knew you’d be safe."
Laura turned and looked him straight in the eyes. "The safest place I can be is right where I am: in your arms."
When she spoke those words, it sent a thrill straight through him. "I can’t ever seem to hold you close enough, Baby!"
"I love you, Luke!"
Those words came so easily between them now. No more hurt feelings, no games to make the other jealous. Their love had prevailed over all the crap that had been put in their way. She was his. She had given her heart to him and agreed to marry him. He was going to love and protect her until his dying breath. God, it had felt so good to be on the receiving end of a "dream come true". That’s what Laura was. He kissed her deeply and with purpose. His love breathed into her and hers into him. It was the most intoxicating thing he had ever felt. "I love you, Angel," he said.
Laura let out a sigh. "I’m so happy!"
"Happy?" Luke asked, incredulously, "This makes you happy?"
"Anyplace with you makes me happy!"
Luke pulled a strand of golden hair from her face. "Aren’t you scared?"
"With you and Robert here?" she asked, dumbfounded. "Not in the least! I’d rather be here than anywhere else on earth! I want to help you, Luke. Let me help you."
Luke looked deep into her baby blues, which captivated him each time he looked inside their depths. "Promise me you’ll do what I and Robert tells you to do? I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you."
"Of course!"
"I mean it, Laura! There are lots of things that can trip you up out here."
Laura put her arms around him and re-assured him. "Stop worrying about me, Luke! I’ll be fine. Nothing is going to happen to me. We are going to do what we came here to do. Then, we’re going home to get married and live our lives and be happy! All I want and need is you - us."
"Oh Laura!" He moaned. She was killing him. He wanted to take her into one of the cabins and make love to every inch of her.
She laughed that infectious laugh of hers. "I’m a cheap date, huh?" she asked, kissing him on the cheek so that her soft skin brushed against his.
Luke touched her face. He adored her. He adored her! "No, Baby!" he said. "You’re something else!"
She smiled at him. He had burned that image into his soul, into his brain because it made him feel so damn good to see her smile at him. It made him feel strong. It made him feel as if he were doing something right...
Luke was staring at the ocean when he heard Robert come up and sit in a lounge chair beside him. "She’s as beautiful as ever," he said. "But that vacant stare.....how on earth do you deal with it?"
Luke raised his tumbler and waved it slightly, making the ice-cubes tinkle against the crystal. He said nothing.
"Yeah," Robert said. "There is something to be said for numbing oneself, but don’t let it get out of control eh? Laura doesn’t need to deal with an out-of-control, drinking husband when she comes back!"
Luke looked at Robert and felt hope for the first time in a long time. He didn’t say "if she comes back", he said "when she comes back". He smiled wryly. "I’ve got it under control, Man."
Robert’s eyebrow shot up. He didn’t have any judgement in his voice when he said, "If you say so."
"I don’t know how to do this long-term, Robert," Luke said, flatly. "I can’t do it without her. She and I have lost almost five years of our lives and mine has been just as empty as hers. I can’t see my future without her in it! I’m self-destructing, Man!"
Robert sat quietly for a moment. He could feel his best friend’s pain. Laura was a rare beauty - sweet and kind. Good straight to her soul. He loved and missed her, and it tore him up to see her sitting lifeless in her chair. He couldn’t imagine what Luke was going through. "It’s hard to move past your soul-mate, Mate. I wish I had some words to help you out, but there’s nothing I can say except it’s a bloody, unfair crime of nature that she’s in this state."
"I’ve always been able to reach her," Luke said, exasperated. "It’s so damn frustrating, Robert, because when I hold her or carry her, I can feel her body relax in my arms. I’m not imagining it! I know she’s in there screaming for me to help her get out - to come back." Luke ran his hands through his hair and let out a long sigh.
"I’m sure you’re not imagining it, Mate," Robert said, assuringly. "You and Laura always had some unspoken connection. Believe me, I saw it up close and personal!"
Luke smiled. He remembered the days when Robert tried to woo her away. Poor Robert was the only one who didn’t know he stood no chance of winning her heart. Laura had nearly driven Luke crazy making him realize that they weren’t over - would never be over.
"You gave me a run for my money!" Luke exclaimed, taking another sip of scotch.
Robert raised his eyebrow, saying. "As I recall, it wasn’t much of a run!"
Luke laughed. He offered his friend some consolation. "Laura never failed to tell me how easy on the eyes you are."
Robert let out a hearty laugh and replied, "Well, she’s always been easy on the eyes herself."
"Years ago, I’d play Alpha male if you made a comment like that," Luke told him. "Now, it’s just a compliment that makes me proud to be her husband."
"Well," Robert said, stretching. "I think we’ve both grown beyond those Alpha male days."
Luke was quiet for a moment then reflected to his friend. "I’ve never been one to look back and long for something. You know it ain’t my style.... but, I’d give anything to be back on this tub in ‘81 with you and Laura - feeling young and invincible."
"They were some of the best and most exciting times of my life too!"
Luke nodded and finished his scotch. "Laura use to call this ‘The Ship of Fools’."
"She always was perceptive," Robert said, looking around.
"Tracy thinks I’m a fool for doing all of this! She keeps telling me it’s pointless," Luke said, somewhat deflated.
Robert considered this. "Well, from where she’s sitting, I can understand her saying that. She’s certainly no fool about all of this. But honestly, Luke, where Laura is concerned, do you really care what Tracy thinks?"
Luke looked at Robert and held up his arms, saying. "Here I am, man! Here I am, sailing this damn ship of fools again with her. I guess it makes me a fool because, there is no place I’d rather be. She’s got me, Robert! As long as I breathe, I’m hers."
"I’ve never told you this," Robert said, pausing for a moment before he spoke again to Luke. "I remember years ago when we were on this ship. You and Laura wanted a few moments alone on the rear deck. I went to the upper deck to keep watch, while you two had your moment. Then there was a fembot voice that came over that god awful bullhorn-speaker, announcing that drinks would be served at five. I turned to tell you and Laura that it was time to go below, and I saw the two of you standing there. You had your arms around her and Laura had her head leaning against you. Her hair was blowing in the wind and her eyes were closed with this look on her face that I can’t describe other than to say that it’s every man’s dream to have a woman look like that when she’s in your arms. I envied you, Mate! So, if you’re a fool, you’ve got the fool’s gold."
Luke couldn’t believe that Robert was recalling his own version of a memory that he had just been thinking about. They had always had an uncanny connection themselves that Luke had grown to trust and count on over the years. Robert had a way of making him feel better. He truly was the brother that Luke had always wished he’d had. They’d gone through a lot over the years. Aside from Laura and Bobbie, Robert knew him best and that was saying a lot about him because Luke didn’t let people get to know him.
Fool’s gold. He thought about Robert’s words for a moment. That’s what she was. He looked at Robert and voiced his agreement. "Yeah, Man. She’s gold alright! Pure gold..."
Neither one spoke again. They just sat there awhile looking out at the sea as the sun set, heading toward Amsterdam and the promise of a brighter day.

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